its the last day of chinese new yr.. times passes so fast. I always thought that 2011 will be better for me and i will be more relaxing at work n blahblahblah. feeling terrible today. especially bad today.. things are still not right for me and i dunno wat to do. lost a deal today. makes me feel so fucked up.. soon going to reservist soon n work will be passing back to me... juli is busy with f n b, sometimes still need to spend time with her doing some pricing n thinking on the locations and stuff... kenny's site is finishing but he's adding things here n tere making me feel so busy n fucked up at times. it was syl's bday yesterday. wondering how's she doing though. its really good working as a staff last time, each day will pass n i still have time n spare for family and friends. now? other than enjoying mj every weekend, i dunno wat to do. lawyer called me today,makes me feel so ka neng. listening to his speech , my heart was pumping so quickly... things that i not meant to be said. and i can't share. heavy heart with a heavy mind. the worst thing is that i dun have a person to share this to.. even so, how can they helped? feeling so cold in office... though it will be better after washing my hair n get some massage done.. thinking about de not shun li things make me wanna tear there. n nw.. eyes getting kinda watery.. wat happen.. who can i look for? its a burden... i guess being cheerful eveyday on surface doesn't help, eventually bad things will still go to good ppl n good things will still go to bad ppl. wats the point?

i'm still not to sure why auntie had the courage to jump down from the building with ah mi. did she regret? why doesn't she wanna end her life journey. stress? work? son? i dun wanna think about it. but i am really thinking if this will really end all her misery. if nt why ppl chose this path .. pause...........................................................................................................................................
dunno wat to type nw.. upset but dunno wat to say. leaving this place might help... but where should i go? i really can't put down all my responsiblity on family n work. tears can't really flow out, think i can really recover tat fast to ask myself to be stronger. or i should say do watever things i can do now.. who knows one day......